Skip to main content

Carolus Rex




I don’t need to pretend to be a king, I am one. I live my life uncompromising and without rules. The only thing that is missing is my queen, but that’s her choice to live in my shadow with people that couldn’t hold my fucking jockstrap. I’m gonna live, I’m gonna have fun, and if I burn out, it’s still better than fading away.


I have my friends and I have my life and I go on epic adventures. The one true regret in my life is that I let you slip away instead of going on our epic adventure or having a child first when we should have and delaying that epic adventure for a moment. Either way I do regret that moment and it fucking haunts me as much as it does you, I don’t show it as much as you do.


But I don’t try and hide my pain with false queens the way you do with false kings, I don’t pretend to be anyone that I’m not. My friends and family would follow me into the bowels of hell if I needed them to and they have, I honestly don’t think outside outside of me you have anywhere close to that kind of support system... and you are lucky you’re shattered king is still fucking here. Because I shouldn’t be. 


Not for you.


I go to concerts and meet movie and rock stars and crash parties of major fucking athletes by accident. That’s my life. I give no fucks. I never have. I came from dirt. I’m going to live my life like I’m on fire till the day I am, I wish you were there with me, but I’m done waiting for you to meet me there on anything but my fucking terms as well. 


I will never be anyone’s option or second choice. I will only be me, and I don’t need you or anyone else to be a king. And I don’t need to brag about being one either, that’s a sign of weakness and insecurity. Neither of those things I am or even have been.


I chose you, I am still choosing you even when I shouldn’t be. The fact you choose these clowns over me proves which one of us truly wants to lie in the gutter and who is truly a king. I will always be there for you, but I don’t have to like it. Keep choosing others. One day this true king will be Gone.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more