Skip to main content

Lone Wolf.




I think I am ready this time if you walk away again for you to do it, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that. But I think it’s time for my independence to shine thru like the falling fucking supernova star that I am, I don’t need you in my life, I will never fucking need you in my life. I want you in my life but I am fucking done sacrificing myself at the altar of hope for you to always break it down.


I’ll be fine with walking away again. I’ve always been best as the lone fucking wolf anyways.


It hasn’t been right for over 20 years and it’s been almost 17 years since it was at least what it was supposed to be. You have you’re ring, it’s been here for over a year... you know my next few chess moves. It’s you’re decision where we go next.


I may love you but I don’t do hot and cold and I don’t like when I feel like I’m being hidden as a moment in you’re life, and even more than that you’re using me as a back up plan because you’ve made mistakes and failed as a partner and as a parent.... you need me I’m there, and I think we are getting there.


But you’re world shouldn’t be crumbling for you to want me back in you’re life every time... I may catch you, but I’m nobody’s hero. I don’t save people. I destroy them, most notably myself.


I am sick of this life as a back up

Plan or a second option. I am neither. I hate that it’s the current status quo where you think I’ll always be there. 


I want you in my life, but if this weekend wasn’t obvious. I don’t fucking need you, I never will. I choose my friends and my interesting life over you’re drama. 


My life will not reach to you. You have to come over to me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more