Skip to main content

The Art Of War.



I don't like to fail. I hate to fail. But I'm not afraid of it.


I haven’t forgotten my art of war. I am still matching you chess move for chess move. I just don’t care to engage anymore. Once upon a time I thought you telling me that you loved me meant something. Now I just think it’s meaningless like everything’s else in our fucked up fatal fairy tale. I do think if you wanted me you’d come to me in an instant and for all my attempts to come to you is just mind manipulation to what end and agenda I don’t know. Mines transparent, my emotions on my sleeve.


Within six months more likely within a few weeks you’ll be calling again and I will always fall for it, that’s how I know it’s real. I’m under you’re spell and I’m under you’re skin. You and I share a blood tie but it’s more than that it always has been. I only call one person on this earth soulmate. Even if we are fucked up shattered and broken, you are the missing piece of my soul. And I will always be here to try. Even thru my gritted teeth.


I’m not angry or bitter at you right now. I’m just disappointed. You’re decision, you’re behaviours and how they affect all our lives. That’s you’re cross to bear not mine.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more