Skip to main content

The Ruins...




I think part of you’re problem with any return to what we once were even while emotion remains is that you will have to deal and acknowledge the damage to all of our lives that you have caused. I don’t think you are ready to face that. I don’t think you ever will be. I think the moment you actually come back is going to be when you have nothing left and you’re life is as broken and damaged as mine... the fact that day isn’t far away should say everything about you’re life and not mine... I was born damaged... you just allowed the void to destroy you’re life...


I am descended from warriors within living memory, his great grandfather was on the beaches in France, just because our war was more personal doesn’t mean it wasn’t as intense, and it damaged us both. You have had you’re own wars to fight and sadly you have failed in the most important one and the fractures of that are beginning to show. The fact that everything I said about him hating us both is coming to roost... at least I am spare most of that pain by virtue of being a ghost to him,


But you’re castle is crumbling, and you’re king is as far away as he could have ever been... and his heart is once again growing colder.


It’s me not dancing amongst the ruins and the embers... I had nothing to build so I had nothing to lose when I fell... I just ended up where I’ve always been... but you you are surrounded by the ruins of you’re life and the lives you helped to destroy. No fucking wonder you have regret. And one of them is Me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th