Skip to main content

The Ruins...




I think part of you’re problem with any return to what we once were even while emotion remains is that you will have to deal and acknowledge the damage to all of our lives that you have caused. I don’t think you are ready to face that. I don’t think you ever will be. I think the moment you actually come back is going to be when you have nothing left and you’re life is as broken and damaged as mine... the fact that day isn’t far away should say everything about you’re life and not mine... I was born damaged... you just allowed the void to destroy you’re life...


I am descended from warriors within living memory, his great grandfather was on the beaches in France, just because our war was more personal doesn’t mean it wasn’t as intense, and it damaged us both. You have had you’re own wars to fight and sadly you have failed in the most important one and the fractures of that are beginning to show. The fact that everything I said about him hating us both is coming to roost... at least I am spare most of that pain by virtue of being a ghost to him,


But you’re castle is crumbling, and you’re king is as far away as he could have ever been... and his heart is once again growing colder.


It’s me not dancing amongst the ruins and the embers... I had nothing to build so I had nothing to lose when I fell... I just ended up where I’ve always been... but you you are surrounded by the ruins of you’re life and the lives you helped to destroy. No fucking wonder you have regret. And one of them is Me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more