Amityville II: The Possesion

Losing my fucking mind all the fucking time these days, I am uncomfortable here and I am seriously trying to figure everything out... I don't like feeling fucking unsafe and the lack of respect is fucking insane...patience level is low and i feel like I'm fucking living in an insane asylum, I currently do not fucking feel like this is a safe place to bring my son home too.. too much fucking bullshit this weekend and then to have a major fucking incident over the fact you want fucking internet? buy a fucking Ethernet wire... I've already help to raise a fucking adult, i'm not about to fucking babysit two men that should be dealing with their own shit and issues...I won't be fucking walked over, I'll walk away first.. so fucking fed up with this shit...i'd rather be fucking homeless and hanging with my homies and saying fuck the world than trying to be respectable and fighting so fucking hard to make things right... I don't need to lose my fucking temper every day over simplistic fucking shit... I have bigger concerns in this fucking world to deal with and this baby shit is getting on my nerves.. i basically gave notice today... i am fucking looking to move on, I need somewhere to be fucking comfortable and safe and if that ain't gonna happen here.. i'm fucking gone...

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: 2pac, Brenda's got a Baby.
Stop the world. I want to get off.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

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