Skip to main content

Becoming the Mask...

So Many things i want to walk away in this life and yet I stand here, standing tall and losing patience with a lot of people in my life both personal and what currently consists of my current joke of an occupation... i am very pissed off that today of all days I have to take stock rather than having a few bucks to throw in a particular direction, but i will fucking survive and before the Month's over that will be dealt with.. it's just fucking frustrating that this kinda shit happens to often, this isn't a fucking hobby to me this is the way i pay my bills.... it's all well and good when there is money flowing around into your hand but when i am mr fucking noodle for a week and i get frozen out by your mistake... and It affects me and my family.. it's getting fucking annoying... and you still haven't bothered to be a man and find my fucking child's video games that are lost somewhere at your house, you have done damage in my life and if i didn't need an income i would be walking away... i have real fucking battle's to fight, and that is coming to a head at the same time... when it's costing me money to pretend to enjoy my life, I'd rather go back to simple things like playing guitar, hanging out with people that care about me with no financial part involvement like my friends, family and my cousin's, places i can go and always know i am welcome... i have been in a dark place for a very long time and i have stayed in that dark place and i have not let the sunlight in... I'm starting to see it a little but the reality is without my friends and my social skills sometimes this world would be a lot less dark... and it is nice that i don't have to retreat into that.. it was nice both fridayt and today to spend some quality time outside of the monster i have created asd a nessary evil to be something that would deal with the world and my place in it... i'm glad that sometimes to people old and new friends alike that the real me still shine's thru and i don't have to hide behind someone i pretend to be... of course the next step here is back into the war... and this time i have to fight it and start pouring the gasoline, my world is already in flames, it's time for some other people to feel the burning heat... it's time for some people to fear and time for some people to sweat.

Current Mood: Miserable.
Current Music: Eminem, Bad Guy
I'm a fighter. I've always been a fighter. The few times when I have been at leisure, I've been miserable. I want challenges, I crave them.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...
Post a Comment
Read more