Seven Voices of Hate

Sometimes i wonder what is left... when i am seriously asking questions and giving directions i suddenly fucking wonder what's left.. what haven't the vultures torn from my soul... that little bit of goodness that remains is in my chest and in my heart and it's is all that i have left, the rest of my core my soul, it's consumed by hatred. I wonder if the fire of my hatred is equal to the fire of hatred in your soul...regardless of what i do in this life or what i have done I am always going to have anger and hate in my soul, there's is almost nothing else left.. why am I sitting here fighting fucking battles when all i can see at the end of the day is no fucking resolution, ever. this hell will continue, i can endure the next 7 1/2 years of this hell but why the fuck should i have to... the price of just merely survival is way too fucking high, and I would have gladly done so a few years back when I had him in my arms, now what's the point why do I bother? nothing's ever going to change... it's only going to get worse... and the reality is that this is the game... i looked into my worst fears today and the reality is nothing is being done, it's all lip service, the next thing that will happen is that she will disappear completely and then i will never get him back, and unfortunately in this bizarre game of psychotic chess that we seem to be playing that's the next move...

Current Mood: Anger and Hate.
To truly hate is an art one learns with time.

The only thing sadder than hateful people’s willingness to drag us down to their level, is our willingness to oblige.

I don’t understand hate. I’ve seen its power. I’ve known its wrath. I’ve even felt it coursing through my veins, pushing me on. But I don’t know where it comes from or why it lasts, how it can take hold in some people and grow.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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