Old Wounds/Collateral damage

I replay every day in my mind and I think the thing that fucking Stings the most here, is that it has been almost three years, over nothing....old scars have been ripped open and new ones created.. for what to gain a fucking advantage and destroy a man and even more than that destroy a relationship between a father and a child? how do you fucking think that's going to affect him, you think he will better for it when you have real problems and resents you when he's older... I know at the end of this, I will not be the one He hates... He may hate both of us, But he will hate you more. At least i can tell him I never stopped fighting for him. This has always been about control and treating him like a possession, if you weren't so petty one day you would realize that... you would realize the damage you've done... not saying my hands are clean either but at least i have tried to be the person i always have been, I go to my grave without question's about who i am and this will not weigh as heavily on my soul as it will on yours. I know the person I am today, is the same person i was when i met you, when he was born and when you started this war.. I haven't changed.. you did. you're the one who let you're soul grow cold. it's about the next step now. and i know that at the end of the day as long as i pursue what is right in my heart and about Him, I won't stop. you'd have to kill me twice to finish this. i think the biggest thing that prays on my mind is that this would have been my week of fun to have with him because of the kids march break and you've taken all of that away from me. there will be collateral damage in this battle but i only worry about one little man's psyche and the damage you have inflicted. That will always be on your soul not mine.

Current Mood: Sad, Determined.
Current Music: Eminem, Desperation (feat. Jamie N Commons)
I'm talking about her. Just her. And doing it because... Because she took me away from you.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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