Skip to main content

Generation 2.

Somedays it is easy to remeber why i am fighting and Who i am fighting for, esp. when cherished freinds call up out of the blue and ask how i am doing and if i'm alright.. this is a battle i prefer to fight alone but I will not forget who has stood at my side every moment of the battle and who has been washed aside by the sands of time.... it's about the next step it's about going to where I need to go... It does get difficult some days when i am surrounded by all these awesome things at my house and I realize the more each day that ticks away.. Tick tock... tick tock.. he will likely outgrow them and thenj they will be nothing more than interesting collectibles... that's not on me tho.. i am not the one that took my life away from me and him, I'm still going to be the same person i was yesterday, and tommorow that i was then.. going thru paperwork was difficult this morning as i came by some old paperwork that predate's his birth and it was once upon a time a fairytale relationship and we did love each other and thought it would be forever... of course all that remain's now is smoldering hate on both sides and this is a devastasting war for both sides... and only the soul of one little boy soon to be a man is in the balance.. It is hard to belive that a relationship that once held so much emotion and fire.. has turned into bloody black blaze... but then agian knowing you.. it's not unexpected either.. for you it has always been about control.

Current Mood: Angry, Determined.
In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them.

Love betrayed has an entirely different sound from hatred outright.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more