Skip to main content

Two Worlds.

As for this bullshit of two different lives, that's on you. I did what I had to do to survive. You never gave me that fucking choice. First as a father and later as a man. I didn't have options like you do.

I don't like how you make me feel every fucking time you walk away and you're fucking justifications are only those in you're own head. I'm always going to be here and I'm always going to stand tall, with or without you. No matter how fucking broken I am. I will stand. If it's my last shred of decency or effort I will fucking stand.

I'm just glad I'm not standing against you anymore. That time has passed. But I will never fall down and feel sorry for myself either. You chose this. You chose all of this. You're the one that constantly throws me away. I know I'm worthless to you unless you need me.

One day I won't be here to save you.

Don't worry I'm just working you out of my system and then we can go back to status quo. It's where you're safest... But I really did think you still loved me this time.

I am just working hard with a goal In Mind trying to distract from my feelings for you. There is still a long game here and maybe one day you will understand.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...