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Numb.

He felt the knife of her old betrayal slide into his heart, a smooth, unexpected caress of pain.

I am a better person than you. When I say I love someone I stand by it and them no matter how much it causes me pain... And I am hurting so very fucking much right. That's on you... I'll eventually get over it... But the knife cut deep this time... I think that might have been you're intention.

I shouldn't be hurting and missing you again right now... I should be fucking hating you again... But that part of me is gone. I have made peace with the fact I will always love you no matter how deep you slide the knife into my ribs. That's also my curse. I'll always love you and always be here even if it hurts.

I float around in a daze. Nothing matters much to me. I am unfocused. This is you're doing. Twenty plus years on and you affect me like this in my every moment. Either I feel everything when we are talking or I feel nothing. Right now I am feeling numb.

I don't understand you're motivations... And it's sad we play this game over and over in our lives. I will always be here but I don't always like it. I love you but I hate that you are so damaged that you choose others over me every single time. It's not fair. I never did anything wrong except be stupid enough to love you unconditionally no matter what. I don't know why you twist the knife.


I don't want this to turn back into hate, you are the great love of my life but I don't know if I can keep going this way just for the sake of my own mental health. I'm not angry and I'm only a little disappointed... But I do need some space and time to think.

You hurt me, again. I've learned to love with that pain a long time. I've learned to live without you even longer. Eventually how I feel will fade and I will go back to ignoring you're presence in my life and in my heart... But right now I'm having a hard time doing that, even tho I am hurt and a little bit angry. But I have forgiven you for far worse....

....time might heal all wounds if I let it... And right now all I have is time 

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