Skip to main content

One Last Battle....


....and its with myself. I know that I am better when I set a goal. Even if it's a fucking pipe dream... It's the only dream I've had for the last two decades. I will fight for you, one last time. I have something to prove, it's the only thing left to prove actually. I need to do this to be whole. To not have that big what if question in my head about what could have been, what was sucked. I need to do this because I do love you and he needs to know that, you need to know that. I will always feel the exact same way. I wish things were simpler then and I could have been the man u really wanted. I'm that man now, I'll prove it to you.

I burnt a lot of bridges to my old life because I figured that you were more important... And some of those bridges I poured gasoline on were 100% correct... I'm not over you, I will never be over you. Anyone else I'm with is a fucking placeholder for who I truly want to be with. You.

I don't think I can ever move past this emotion. What scares me is that I don't think I want to anymore. I'd rather love you in silence without reciprocation knowing that the one last sacrifice was made rather than doubt myself the rest of my fucking life.... 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...
Post a Comment
Read more