The Chess Game: Hope.

This is still a game of many tactical moves,but for once I'm not playing to defeat you. I just want you on my side against the world agian. The way it's supposed to be, the way it should have been.

For once I have Hope, it's all I need to sustain me right now with my next big chess move. I have no expectations but you have surprised me in the past. So I'm going to go forward with the things I plan to do and see where we end up. You are important to me, you always will be. If this is where we end the game no matter what the outcome is, I'm good with it.

I think in the next little while we will surprise each other, even if I am forcing my hand and putting all the cards on the table rather than bottling them up and ignoring how I have always felt for you. From the most intense passion comes the best and worst of us, I completely understand that now. If we didn't love each other as whirlwind as we did we would not have fought as hard as we did, but the time for that is over. It's time to move forward. With it without each other. But I will never stop fighting or trying to be together....that's all I've ever wanted. I wished one day you'd listen.

This game is entirely different when I am trying to play it with you in a positive manner rather than against you. Im just trying to anticipate the best way to do the right thing now and hope it clicks. I hated fighting you with every fiber of my being, I had to tear out a piece of my soul just to do it, I felt this year I got some of that back,but you are always gonna be the missing piece of my soul.

Never forget who taught you how to play chess. I just taught you a little too well.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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