Skip to main content

Never An Ending...

This is still a war and it will not stop no matter how much I want it to.... the great manipulator is still playing games and while we may have gotten what was wanted yesterday we still have not even gotten close to anything related to my goals.. the longer this continues the longer that little boys soul continues to be poisoned and corrupted and I am sick of the game... as i said yesterday i can wait forever whether or it's going to be another year and a half of hell or eight more.. either way I'm prepared for that, what I'm not prepared for is the fucking waiting and the stalling... at his point in my life i am stripped bare, I have nothing to hide anymore, nothing left to prove.... I'm not the one trying to hide things.... I have fangs and a side of me that i strain to keep under control... i think it's time to unleash that anger in the right direction and start dealing with some of the key componenets and let my voice and not he kind and nice person i pretend to be be heard.. the lawyer has heard it before... there are things that need to be done that are not being done and i need to be way more fucking proactive in making those concerns heard, there is no reason that the wait for trauma counselling should be heard.. i get that His last year has been hell but how the hell does one stall for a year because you're fucking brother murdered his mother, my son's grandmother and yet you get grief counselling for my child but you ignore a court order to get him truama counselling and it's a fucking game of ignoring the truama counselling... I feel for you, i truly loved you once and of all of you'r family memeber's that emotion was only carried to two other, you're mother and our son... so i did leave you time to greive, even after you destroyed me... but this counselling has been in play almost two years and i made arrangements a few days before she died to have my son taken care of for trauma counselling by someone i trusted, you are still playing pyschological chess and losing with me.... there are once agian answer's that need to told and question's that need to be answered. you cannot hide him away in your unreality forever and think that i will go away, I will be fucking dead and cold in the ground long before that happens... you've bought yourself a couple of months, nothing more. It never fucking ends...

Current Mood: Angry.

Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin. And there are many things that don't really end, anyway, they just begin again in a new way. Ends are not bad and many ends aren't really an ending; some things are never-ending

You wanna know a secret, ? Life's messed up. I'm messed up. I've done bad things and I continue to do bad things because the voice telling me not to...? He's not said much for a while. And y'know what keeps me going? ANGER. Anger's an insulator. Stops life getting too close. If I got myself "fixed," maybe the anger would leave me—and then I really would be screwed—

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...
Post a Comment
Read more