Skip to main content

Finish this fight...


I'm fucking drunk due to the fact that one of the people i have in my life cares enough and about me took care of me tonight and decided i needed to escape the world for a few hours, but at this point i know that things are not over, and the battle continues.. I will finish this fight and you will have to fucking kill me to be rid of me.. i understand that at some point it becomes time to walk away and that has played heavily on my mind.. with the exception of my son the last three years there has been no fucking reason to continue to stay in Ontario, i have survived for three fucking years in the asshole of north American for far, far too long.. I'm not fucking happy... I moved to Hamilton to get a job, not to face down past demons, but that's all this city has given me, the souls of the fucking dead... and taken away that which has been most precious to me.. facilitated by those fucking idiots in Niagara with their holier than tho attitude... on one of their homegrown sons... but I'm a fucking crown ward.. so that mean's i came out broken, sad fucking commentary on the system, I was raised by them so I must be a damaged and unwhole person, I stared down a lot of fucking demons in the last few days and went to the one demon i can relate to to take the fucking edge off the anger tonight.... but i know this battle isn't even close to being over.. and the only thing that has changed is that i have to go with laser point precision over the main offender, instead of letting her stall the rest of our lives.. how the fuck i could have ever loved you is unimaginable to me.. i can't hardly remember the second year of college that made me in love with you, It's a dead memory, because now it's unadulterated hate.. and you fucking deserve it.. I will finish this fight... you will lose. at this point if i am staying in Ontario there is nothing else, not family, not other loved ones.... there is only him...otherwise i would be in the states, Vancouver, Windsor, anywhere but the shithole of the universe in Stelcotown... this city has brought me nothing but pain, and i won't lie some of it has been self inflicted... but as strong as the steel of this city has made me, it has also broken me.
I have got to admit, Celebrated your fortieth in your honor with my Friends, and remembering in this world i have good solid people behind me, and you are probably drinking alone with a babysitter at home with my son because it isn't important enough to spend a significant day and night like that with him, esp after the week we both have had to endure? it felt damn good... call me heartless and uncaring, But welcome to 40 Jennifer, Long may you rot.

Current mood: Depressed, Drunk, angry.
Current Music: 44 minutes, Megadeth

The most terrifying part was that the evil dwelling in those eyes could've gone unnoticed by many.

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...
Post a Comment
Read more