Skip to main content

Gates Of Hell....

There are times when I relaize I need to calm my mind and apprecuiate all that is around me instea dof being anger, emotional and driven, there are days where I should just be enjoying the backyard with my parents dogs and forgetting that their is any outside world of course every positive emotion i can produce at this time leaves me a little more empty after a little while because i realize there is a void and something, Someone is Missing.. and if i think about it too much it will break my heart... what's left of that black mass that has died inside my chest and soul anyways... At least I can use the burning Emotion that is fueled by fire and anger to my advantage now... better than just sitting here despondent as a metaphoric heart bleeds away my very life blood sapping at my will.. this time next year everything will be different and somehow so much more familiar..NO more time for self doubt....I know why I hurt and why The fact the moment right now even tho I am happy, Happier than I've been for a long time... and more at peace with myself and my place in this world than I ever have been, the fact remains there is something missing... and every time I think about him, I can stare into the void of hell for hours and see nothing save my own reflection... If I allow myself to think I have failed as a father ever.. then I have... this is not my cross to bear.. Not Forever.

Current Mood: Depressed.
Current Music: Heroes of our time, Dragonforce.
There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits, you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...
Post a Comment
Read more