The Devil's Favorite Demon.

One thing you may not know about me is that i thrive and survive on adversity, it strengthens me because i know at the end of the day, regardless of the wreckage i will not be broken down and I can survive this... I've survived worse and done it with a smile on my face and never lost the good parts of my soul...they may be hidden and buried deep within but they are me.. my ethics, my soul, all the good things that make me me.. they are their, hidden sometimes, hidden more than most of my emotions i can't shut them off but i can hide them and show a different angrier more anti-social face to the world... but at my core i know who i am, just because i tread the darker side of the coin doesn't mean i am evil, or that I don't know what evil is... espescallay when she's staring me in the face thru closed doors and chess game manipulation of the rest of my life...I'd rather be damned and go to hell than pretend to be someone I'm not... and before I'd do anything that would corrupt my soul I would destroy myself first... hell holds no surprises for me, but I go there willingly... unrepentant... i will go there willingly for the sin's I did commit... and not for the one I did not...

Current Mood: Still Angry.
Where no hope is left, is left no fear.

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Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

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