The Seventh Circle Of Hell.

I am a warrior, I would rather Not be one But that is my lot in life, everything in one way or another since childhood has been a battle, even in the happier times their was always something to fight something to rail against... this is not a life I want for my child... He does not have to suffer the never ending battle that my life has became and/or has always been...She should know better... I should not be sitting around every waking day waiting for the day that the battle will end.... that i can close this war journal and go to my resting place...but I know that place will not be welcoming even tho it will be a long and justily deserved Hell that I go into... at the seventh level reserved for the Violent and angry, it still beats the layer reserved for the betrayers and the treasonous.. I know exactly who I am, I am a Warrior, I have existed at the void for so long, Staring a hell's gate... it has stared back into me as well, it is a part of me. I am angry, I am violent about what i believe in.... the fires of hell within me are internalized.... it is what drives me... without anger there is nothing left any more.... I may show a calm exterior because I have to but sometimes i wonder if letting go, letting the Emotion take control would be a better solution, This calmness and the fact i have had to bury the fire so far down below for so many years and be a normal person when it is a fact that it has always been there, just under the skin simmering... I was a lot angrier when you knew me... why did I change why Did i attempt to please everyone to get a little ahead.. when i ascend into hell, there will only be two choices but it's on this earth that I fight the Unholiest of wars.... a battle that Must be won....I will endure.

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: Iron Maiden, The Longest Day
They laugh at the law. The rich ones who buy it and twist it to their whims. The other ones, who have nothing to lose, who don't care about themselves, or other people. All the ones who think they're above the law, or outside it, or beyond it. They know all the law is good for is to keep good people in line. And they all laugh. They laugh at the law. But they don't laugh at me.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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