War Journal III: The War Continues.

I am so fucking sick of fighting, I am fighting merely to fight agian at this point, Why should I fight these battles.. I could simply walk away from my son and be a deadbeat dad as leave and go somewhere else like Vancouver, Victoria or Windsor and be done with this bullshit.... I am seriously questioning why I leave myself in This place constantly fighting an up hill battle that I am not going to win.. I know at the end of all this no matter the Outcome it will be worth it.. but I don't know how to give up even when i want to stop Fighting... it's in the blood.... There is No option but to continue fighting as I feel I will never ever give up.. but you know sometimes when you are fighting a losing battle a tacticalretreat may be the best thing... Leave the Hot zone and just wait and bide my time and let the enemy defeat itself.. of course doing that Sacrifes a lot of who and what I am and a lot of what I belive In.. I can weather this storm...It's just so damned tiring.. But i was never one for taking the fucking easy way out...It would just be too damned easy... and There is no getting rid of me.. Not as long as I still draw Breath.. the Only way to ever Stop me from fighting for the things I love and believe In Is to Kill me.. and No one is strong enough to do that.

Current Mood: Angry
Give me a minute, I'm good. Give me an hour, I'm great. Give me six months, I'm unbeatable.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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