All I have left are the Bones....

It was only natural to want to destroy something you could never have.

The forces of desire that sway man's mind are the forces that will eventually destroy him, while a singular love that roots his heart makes him invincible

It's frustrating going thru the last of this stuff trying to get rid of and drain every dollar from, it is a toy graveyard and while I do occasionally find the odd interesting item it's very frustrating that most of what I have left is a mountain of fucking junk that will probaly end up on the curb, once upon a time I had a bunch of interesting shit in these bins and now it's just another worse less endeavour reminding me how much has been fucking sacrificed of my time. It's frustrating because I know once upon a time I had a lot of interesting things and now I'm moving forward and beyond these things but it still fucking sucks that none of these cool things he ever got to see, that's on his mother not me, a handful will be kept, enough for a kick ass couple of shelves but the fact remains that it's frustrating that every time I do inventory and choose what to get rid of, it's more that he will never have, material things are useless but knowing that birthdays and Christmases the last few years that have been missed were never a problem, it's just frustrating that I could have given him everything, anything from this shit, and she has denied him that. This is the worse part of the fucking year for me but the pain is lessened for me this year, but the pain will never go away. Not until this is over.

Current Mood: Sad
Current Music: Within Temptation - Whole World is Watching

Whatever doesn't destroy you, makes you stronger. Hardships have a way of toughening us, if they don't kill us.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

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