Skip to main content

Year Of Hell V: All Guns Blazing

The act of walking away from you isn't what hurt the most. But the fact that I gave you everything...and how you slowly...and carelessly..destroyed it.

It's been eleven years since you decided to end our relationship and for most of that time we have been at fucking war, why is it so fucking important to you to destroy any relationship I'm ever going to have with my son, even if you have to destroy everything I am to do it, you should fucking know better, I don't back down and anything you destroy I can, will and have rebuilt. We are heading toward the fucking end and things will change and affect all of our fucking lives forever. I can move forward and no that there is at least one thing I can say and that is there is no fucking fear of you or any eventual outcome, you can't bring me down anymore, and I'm ready for everything you have to throw at me. It's time for this to end, even if it ends both of us. I'm Down for one last battle, are you? I have reached a point where i don't care if I win or lose anymore, Just that he knew I tried and I never gave up fighting for him, I don't expect the next year to be an end to fucking anything, and while I would like it to be, I expect the war to continue for a long fuckin time...... sometimes i think it's the only goddamn thing I have left in my life anymore.. Here's to a new year, not that it matters much to me, as i said before the only thing I mark on new years eve is the fact that the knife was slowly slid into my back eleven years ago and you took the one thing that matters most to me in my fucking life away, I'll never stop fighting for him, and don't ever blame me for your decisions, you Did that to yourself... I have my own Sin's to atone, But I'll Be seeing you soon, and Unlike you I have nothing to fear anymore from the process, all of that has been stripped away from me a long time ago... it's time to face you head on and End this, No more stalling, No more petty politics and No more accepting small victories in lieu of the larger one, It's only the larger one that matters anymore, while he's still got a few moments of childhood left before you completely strip that away from both of us. it's time to face you on yer turf, playing your game, Fully armed, ready for anything, I'm ready, Can you say the same? Let's end this.

Current Mood: Angry, Tired
Current Music: Marilyn Manson - Coma White

All I know is that I will answer malice... with violence.

You have my respect. Whatever that means to you, you got it. But know this shit hard. If ever there comes a time when it gets down to the marrow, and it's you and me...Freind, I will lay you the fuck out.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...