There Is Only Anger...

This power that we have comes from a dark place, but it's not who we are. And we can use it to help people.

I don't know where things are leading, and I know that some of my choices are guided by the silent rage that i can only do so much about so i focus my fucking energies elsewhere as much as i can, But that is ending, it will be done by Christmas, it's just frustrating that that is all that i have left to look forward to, I took the birthday hard as it's fucking bullshit i have all these things i could be giving my son for this holiday and by the time i'm done most of them will be only memories, another experience that has been fucking taken away. it's frustrating to know that i can give him everything but not being able to... it's a curse, it's just another reminder of how much she has taken away, and i sit here counting down days and waiting for the next step. it is a common part of my life that these material things only pass thru my life, It's happened before, It will happen agian, they are simply not important, other things have much more value to me and those things i will sacrifice everything I own to protect. I've never questioned that, and if you truly knew you would know how much more dangerous that actually makes me.

Current Mood: Angry
Current Music: Amon Amarth Deceiver of the Gods

Why should we remain innocent of what lurks in the shadows? How can we live in the world if we don't understand how dark and brutal it can be?

It is true that I am a person with black pockets of evil and hatred in my heart. There are underground places inside of me

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog