There Is Only Anger...

This power that we have comes from a dark place, but it's not who we are. And we can use it to help people.

I don't know where things are leading, and I know that some of my choices are guided by the silent rage that i can only do so much about so i focus my fucking energies elsewhere as much as i can, But that is ending, it will be done by Christmas, it's just frustrating that that is all that i have left to look forward to, I took the birthday hard as it's fucking bullshit i have all these things i could be giving my son for this holiday and by the time i'm done most of them will be only memories, another experience that has been fucking taken away. it's frustrating to know that i can give him everything but not being able to... it's a curse, it's just another reminder of how much she has taken away, and i sit here counting down days and waiting for the next step. it is a common part of my life that these material things only pass thru my life, It's happened before, It will happen agian, they are simply not important, other things have much more value to me and those things i will sacrifice everything I own to protect. I've never questioned that, and if you truly knew you would know how much more dangerous that actually makes me.

Current Mood: Angry
Current Music: Amon Amarth Deceiver of the Gods

Why should we remain innocent of what lurks in the shadows? How can we live in the world if we don't understand how dark and brutal it can be?

It is true that I am a person with black pockets of evil and hatred in my heart. There are underground places inside of me

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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