Return To Serenity.

I just want peace. For me. For you. For him. I think the easiest path is to that is together. But that’s you’re choice and you’re timeline. I don’t think you and I will ever find peace in anyone else’s arms. I think both of us know and understand that too. That’s why we fight this emotional feeling we have had since day one so hard. It shouldn’t still be here yet it is. Explain that. I can’t, I won’t. I just choose to believe in it. I don’t know why.

I think we romanticize both the good and bad parts, but that’s just it, thru all of it.. there was love. There still is. We both recognize that fact.

There is an emptiness. I do interesting things to fill it, but it’s still there it remains. It’s better when you are in my life, even on the fringes. I like where we are now. Whatever we are moving forward too. Even if it takes ages.

I just want my loved ones back. No more fighting no more arguments. Just peace between us and see where it goes. I’m making some grand gestures this summer. But if I wasn’t doing them with you and him I’d just be doing them with someone else and being empty.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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