Return To Serenity.

I just want peace. For me. For you. For him. I think the easiest path is to that is together. But that’s you’re choice and you’re timeline. I don’t think you and I will ever find peace in anyone else’s arms. I think both of us know and understand that too. That’s why we fight this emotional feeling we have had since day one so hard. It shouldn’t still be here yet it is. Explain that. I can’t, I won’t. I just choose to believe in it. I don’t know why.

I think we romanticize both the good and bad parts, but that’s just it, thru all of it.. there was love. There still is. We both recognize that fact.

There is an emptiness. I do interesting things to fill it, but it’s still there it remains. It’s better when you are in my life, even on the fringes. I like where we are now. Whatever we are moving forward too. Even if it takes ages.

I just want my loved ones back. No more fighting no more arguments. Just peace between us and see where it goes. I’m making some grand gestures this summer. But if I wasn’t doing them with you and him I’d just be doing them with someone else and being empty.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

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