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The Chess Game: Dead Kings And Queens.



I will always be you’re true King and you goddamn know it.


I bought you the ring and wrote the letter 2 years ago for closure. To say things were done. I never expected to be where we are right now. I needed to prove something to you and I needed to walk away. Permanently. I shouldn’t be the maybe in you’re life. And it’s getting closer to more than a maybe but the original plan was to have it and walk away. A reminder of all the good parts of me that you had fucking lost. 


2 years on it shouldn’t still be a consideration. That’s on you not me. I shouldn’t be the last grey light in you’re wilderness. But somehow that’s where things have fallen. Agian.


You never should have left me.


I’m doing all the legendary things now that I’ve always wanted to do after decades of chasing responsibilities because I know that soon enough you’re going to spring yet another chess move on me and my life will change and I won’t be able to do all these things because I know that doing things with you is more important. My life will change. It’s expected. I know exactly what it’s like and what’s expected when we live together.  We’ve done it before and been happy, but I made you miserable with the little things. So I’m willing to adapt, they won’t be forgotten forever but I can always compromise. I’m not sure I did enough of that when we were together. I know you didn’t.


This isn’t our ending. Not yet. And we have had plenty of times where it should have been. And almost lost everything.  But it’s also almost a beginning. We need to figure it out. I’m ready, maybe one day you will be. 


I have peace in my life after generations of battles and fights.... I’m trying to find the same for you. Maybe I am part of that solution maybe I’m not. But I’m going to be here trying for as long as you will continue to let me until the day I am fucking done.


On that day, we will find our ending.


All I want is peace and for you and my son to be happy, safe and secure. If that road leads back to me so be it. But I’m fine if it doesn’t. I just want you in a good place. And right now, you aren’t.


In a lot of ways I’m always going to be the boy you fell in love with, as long as I have my freedom I’m going to enjoy being me. But it is time to step up and be the man you need me to be... you just have to pick our moment for that and be fucking ready. That’s what I’m waiting for. The boy that loved you is still here. That man still loves you, no matter what. 


... or how long it takes. I will always be here. You have no idea how important you are to me, because no man in you’re life has ever made you feel the way I do. I’m starting to understand that now. I’m sorry I failed you when we were young, it should have turned out better. Maybe it will now.


We shouldn’t been here. But somehow we are. Means something. I may be waiting but I’m

Still living my legendary life without you. But it would be nice to do some of the epic things I do with you. I guess we will have to see where things end up. I’ll be here. Always.


Maybe not always patiently waiting but I’ll be here. That’s you’re promise.


I’ll always be here to protect you when needed but I shouldn’t be sitting here having a bad feeling about your current circumstances in you’re life. I mean I haven’t felt this way that something wrong is coming in a fucking decade. You’re too forgiving and I think you will get hurt. Badly. And it’ll fall on me to rescue you, it always does. It always has.


You deserve to be safe and happy, even if it’s not with me. And I feel right now that’s not happening for you, and or for our son. You need to make better choices.


I am that better choice. Of all these boys you play around that are older than us, I am the only one that has ever stepped up to the plate... and I’m the Constant for a reason, because I have never backed down from my responsibilities, not will I ever back down from you.


I let you win the fights now because I don’t want to argue with you or fight with you anymore. I’d rather let you have the upper hand if it means one day you will be comfortable enough with yourself to be with me again.


Because I’ve never been the problem. Not in you’re mind. You’re my little broken bird and this world has damaged you pretty badly. But you are safe in my arms. It scares you that’s why you reject it. But that’s why it’s always there.


No matter where we stand.


Current mood: at peace with you, for the moment.


Current music: from hell with love, beast in black.

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